a random blackberry jotting.....

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Back in the days of miracles and a long distance call, the feeling of thought that transcended my dreams would let you know I've been there by your side and my dreams held you forever. Everyday the thought of a tremor that runs under the waves of our life, sends the slumber of my sleep into a long and sweaty nightmare where I know the time of miracle has come to an end. No more long distance calls, no more hopes and the silence of all good things that have come to an end. And the message in a bottle I sent is lying on the ocean floor, coming to haunt me, when I'll dream no more. Now the dream is a hope and hope is life. I do not dream anymore and I'm alive no more. Walking rather running away is an amusing thought, but to run away from something there must be the essential existence of a holding in the present. There is nothing here, and there is no hope left of a green on the other side an abyss has no sunshine.


.

i ( serie 1 )

.
I, carefree and wild,

lost as a motherless child.

I, of little growth of mind,

taken anywhere by bastard wind.

I,naked as a Zebra,

hunted by lioness across the Sahara.

I,carefree and wild,

dream all from her majesty's inside!
.

I saw in you Eternity

.
I saw in you Eternity,

A Beauty in it's entirety.

I saw in you Serenity,

A Savior for this calamity,

I saw in you Curiosity,

A Road to this non-entity,

I saw in you,My Eternity!




.

! \ ~

.

.


there was glory to be found,all thoughts felt sound;
yet we stand on edge of eternity,still pieces of humanity.
we chose a path called reason,cheated by spring in season!
we chose to be led by a love figurine,now nowhere to be seen.
all alone we stood lost,on the edge we saw the ghost.
like battle hardened men we boast,

'there ain't no ghost'

'there ain't no ghost'
'there ain't no ghost'


the leader of the pack,the one we planning to sack;
smelt a flower he thought lilies,reminding him of a mistress,
he screamed infamy,said he had a family:
we knew he would be,the last to fall on his knee.
and so he did first,so he died.....



.

the worst is yet to come.

.

long forgotten Romeo,

"can i have my place by the lampost again,kid? "

young velvet Jack,

"no can do Love,my boy's in room 3 n i need it "

cotton bellybutton Romeo,

"for ol'times sake my boy,half an hour,i finish my pint"

straight jacket Jack,

"for ol'times sake my gal,you can stand right behind"



.

i > preacher

you need a vacation from god !

you need a vaccine of nicotine,

you need acid laced ice-cream,

you need a bible,my bible of sin,

you need a bottle of Irish Cream.



run with the devil,take this pill,

it's all the ecstasy promised at will,

pray to the lizard king and Jill,

to her whom the farmers did till.



you need me as your friend,

you need to walk by a fiend,

you need to know the end,

you need to run across the bend.



let the truck tear you down,

the autopsy will say dead long ago,

the papers will make you a clown,

but dead n you are the talk of the town.


you can tell your god,

you needed to explode,

you can tell her god,

you needed someone to hold,

you can tell their god,

you didn't want to be sold.

you can tell that god,

you found him too cold .

On Hate & doing something about IT.

Chapter 2 : On Hate & doing something about IT.



You know you hate it,you know you want to do something about it,and if you haven't started doing anything about it,it's time you started doing something about it,and if you have started doing something about it,it's time you do something more about it.

And you can hate it more,and if you hate it less doesn't mean you can't hate it more,and you have hated it at some point in your existence and so you will hate it in some future point in your existence,so you had hated it,you are hating it and you will hate it.

There is no evading it,it is in the air,in the living room,and if you haven't seen it.you wish you never see it and if you have seen it you wish you had never seen it.
But if you have heard it you know it has hurt you nad if you do not know now,you know you will know it sooner.

So,if you do not understand it,you do not know it,it means you are happier and you are safer,but if you know it,you hate,and you are sadder in the world because of it. You know you don't need it,so just Hate it for IT.

On love and other assorted beliefs we hang on to !

Chapter 1 - On Love



I've a feeling and it borders on what is love.I safely say it borders on love to prevent myself from entering a realm where a sense of euphoria coupled with dyslexia when it concerns movement forward in the satisfaction of a desire which on most counts is true to one's heart.

Love is a beast,many headed,with a sting ray tail and smells like a rose.It chirps the sweet melody of a nightingale,even if a beast it is,it endears us all from time to time,with the romanticism that centuries of fools of high intelligence and lesser have added to it.A beast that feeds on young hearts broken as they will be in time,and the more the broken hearts the more stronger will the beast grow.Oh! it has killed so many over time and still flowers at it's feet we throw for the beast will grow in our hearts till it takes our hearts.

Love is a labyrinth and it will sicken us to madness,for we wander in search of the centre of it all,for an exit we never looked for from the inside,after all in love we never look to be outta love.
So,the labyrinth from which none wants to find a way out engulfs us in it's dark mysterious secrets just to tell us how many before us have given their all.It is a place that seduces you with it's vastness,you enter a general and die a leper pawn.

So,am i safe from the beast,am i safe from the labyrinth ?

On the border is not far from the other side is it? I see it prowl wagging menacingly at me that sting ray tail of it's,i know the line of control is here on the safe side of life where i wouldn't be blown away by the euphoria of it all.I've been to the other side many times before and had to drag myself back with the wounds and the cuts,and what was left of a broken heart.Am i young to throw caution to the winds every time i see her dancing in my dreams,and jump on across the border like a gunslinging cowboy from the west.I ain't crazy on a normal day though i've seen and done my share of loony things.I've run after a short haired female who never knew any other word than Plan A and it will be done,it was a marathon that i never wish i ran.it made my feet so tired stiched my heart upside down and the centre of the labyrinth was so not found for it kept changing dimensions like she kept changing her terms.

Sometimes i wonder,whether i'm half the man i used to be,whether i still have it in me to fight the Beast again,but in this jungle where everyone fancies his chances against that sting ray tail,where everyone is intoxicated by that rose perfumed breathe of the beast,i hold back this time.Not long back i met a gal,who had been to the labyrinth in her time,where the beast fooled her good,and she clinged on to the labyrinth pillars thinking it would take her somewhere,hoping the beast would let her dance the way she used to.It was one of those days where you knew that in this part of the world,you've seen what she has.And couldn't open my mouth and say 'baby,it's just not a bull fight anymore,it's a toss up for the bull now'.I guess she is clinging on to that dream that keeps coming back,can't blame her,there are no withdrawal symptoms in this sick disease.You are toxicated for life.Once the beast breathes on you,that perfume lasts a life time.

Once,more on the border and no patrol cars to send you back,the breeze will bring that intoxication this way soon,and soon i'll be jumping into that wild labyrinth again,can't help it i guess that is the way it is Love is just the excuse in my case,pain is the reason.I say to myself,this time i'll ride the beast and i know like many things in my life,it's just another of those things i'm saying and not doing.

dester 'lovelost' brown

Let the heavens fall down,

let god play the clown,

i stand here,i frown.

for in love did i drown!

And now i wear a crown

as the king of Fools town,

Dester 'love lost' Brown !!


:-(

 

Memory is Life

Memory is life. It is always carried by groups of living people,and therefore it is in permanent evolution. It is subject to the dialectics of remembering and forgetting,unaware of it's successive deformations,open to all kinds of use and manipulation. Sometimes it remains latent for long periods,then suddenly revives. History is the always incomplete and problematic reconstruction of what is no longer there. Memory always belongs to our time and forms a lived bond with the eternal present;history is a representation of the past.

-Pierre Nora,Les lieux de la memoire. 1984

? random jottings in season

there is rain and there is the cold,

it all strikes as a warm deal to me,

that i wake today with cold feet,

and fully clad for a change!

i've to feel good today feel right,

half-way through this journey,

tired like a sloth after a marathon,

with feet aching and a heart not willing.

there is an urgency to be a name,

a fight might ensue to do someone's billing,

the odds are not good,but they never were,

everybody loves a dark horse,wish i was one.

Vera Lynn

Vera Lynn,do you remember me?

Remember how i wept,by the aisle?

Left with a note of love,n a heart so lost,

And the tears of waiting all this while,

and ever,have all but bled this life away.

Vera Lynn,do you remember love?

Remember how the spring flowered us?

Realised did you before i, all is lost?

If a heart so vagabond was yours,why?

Did it suit your fancy to break a man?

Vera all i have is a song of love,

Vera all i made is money and how?

Vera your song has me fame,

Vera but tell me what will i do,

Now that you are in tune with another?



-might be,just might be incomplete! and Vera Lynn the name is and just the name is from the floyd song Vera Lynn!

bird 'o

my rose of eternal arab perfume magic,

one dreams of ecstasy filled purple rage,

as long the night so is the flame o' wick,

fight me,tender as suede i feel the rave,

this love in my time is as midnight ticks.

let the blindness come,let there be a fall..

there is no winter,there is eternal spring,

listen to the stream,are we on the edge?

endless is the flight,to the stars tell ye,

i ask what potion did i drink from ye?

as i walk in fields of crimson heaven!

on a tree,by a forest

she smells of pure english lavender,

she's a woman above all to a man

the birds you see,'em all flock to her,

the flowers they carpet her land

her virgin dance her love song,

her golden hair her lapiz lazulli eyes

brought the mighty to their knees,

brought the princes to the woods

none who saw her,saw the plains again,

none who fell in love,spoke a word again

it's a secret garden,it's a forest open,

it's been a century,we last heard of the men!

torment.

further my soul,further my whims!

gather my lust,gather my chains,

father my dreams,father my children,

rubber my piston,rubber my reputation!

later my love,later my demons,

lesser my desire,lesser my libido,

forever my name,forever my shame!

sooner my war,sooner my death,

longer my pain,longer my lineage,

never my bow,never my servitude!

honour my wish,honour my ash.

poem in red - a poem not intellectual stimulant

And now i love again!

as naked ice lusting away!
a new isle looms ahead,
and night is long again!

am now in lateral abyss,
asking Nancy,islands lonely,
at least !

Ah! "no!" is loud again,
Amiss,still nothing is,
yet...pain.. love awarded!

this is not for intellectual stimulation,and so will be considered bull-shit in another blog where intellectual children write critiques!

poems in red - not liked in intellectual blogs

she is my gal,
and i'm goin to keep it that way,
that means a lot of work today!

she is tall,
and she is growin taller still,
makes for the ever increasin bill s!

love is a ball,
and it is hard to dance till one,
but if legs hold yes it's all fun!

be my gal,
not till eternity,but till you are young,
that is the truth on which i'll be hung!

poems - second class for another blog!

need a woman,

i'm just ordinary,

i ask for no lady!

hear me now,hear me now!

i need a woman,

i dream of a fairy,

befor heart i bury,

pick me up,pick me up!

i need a woman,

i can do wit dirty,

if she won't leave me teary!

i need a woman,

i need completion,

a little passion ....

complete me,complete me!

i need a woman,

i'm but a man,

all i will n can,
 
for a woman,for a woman!

on a movie..(written for a dying blog)

ignorantia!

yes,movies don't you love them more than you love pop corn? (sad state of pop corns is one reason)

but i've got an hour n half,two at a maximum,and fifty rupees in my pocket and nothing to do but while away my time...can anyone tell me a better way on a friday?

the thing is a movie is not tuition class, or a place to check your observation skills unless you are some weirdo!

and you must be a one in a million of the snobbish pseudo movie critic...who just doesn't seem to know the ordinary man when you are ordinary in every sense but for the fact that you just don't seem to like what ordinary people like,maybe you have got it into that head of your's that you belong to the rat class!

so you like Ingmar Bergman? what about Werner Herzog? Hey wait Pedro Almodovar? or is it the French new wave? Maybe that Korean guy,uh! what's his name ? Kim somethin Duk?


Now,jokes apart,let me ask a few questions of you..

Why do you watch movies?

a) aesthetic appeal
b) photography
c) screen play
d) adaptation
e) acting (method acting/etc)
f) direction
g) sound engineering
h) social conciousness
i) pre production
j) post production
k) background score
l) original soundtrack
m)cinematography
n) nonsense?


Now,i'm not the next,next,next Martin Scorsese, but the man in the next seat for all i care! and i know no jargon...these filmi tend to use!


And what do i care?

a) big screen
b) beware of rats
c) the seat
d) beauty
e) good music
f) first day
g) the pop corn (if i can afford)
h) a happy ending
i) 50rs well spent

And what i most care about is my 50rs being well spent or not and how do i gauge that?

can i afford a critical evaluation? sorry no can do,won't have time to think of anything if i feel cheated!

when do i feel cheated? when i get out of the theatre in a foul mood,when a movie brings my dreams to a halt!

YES! Dreams to a halt,people can go on about showin that of India,this of India,Dogs,millionaires and what not...but the bottom line is,as an ordinary man did you enjoy or not?

If you did,well money spent well!

If you didn't,well the ordinary man would've given Danny Boyle a mouthful of expletives,without lookin carefully at how the lightin was used,or the sound engineered or whether there was a glitch here,there everywhere!

Hell...even if there was no reality there he wouldn't complain,provided he gets to smile in the end,two and a half hour of jolly ride!

Honestly,no movie runs on the good will of the critic or the intellegentsia,well maybe Adoor's does....

and it is high time we realise that the ordinary man has excellent taste!

and taste acquired without knowin wikipedia exists!

hell,this is the man who watched Sholay a thousand times without knowing the technical finesse the movie had for that period.

i bow to the ordinary man,and the good movies he has seconded!
conded
i sow my doubts on the critic,which movie have you ever seconded?

FEMINISM (written for a diff. conservative blog)

I'M A FEMINIST !

believe me when i tell you,i'm more of one than any you see around,pseudo or not.

So,let's keep this plain n simple.

What should a woman be?

she should be a woman,if she can't be one,she has lost her cause in nature and otherwise.

Who is woman?

A creation of nature,one half of the other mistake without which further mistakes won't happen. And if those don't happen cease will be the line of nature's most complicated piece!

A woman is one half,the other half being the male,now why i state so is because both halves should realise that the term human being is actually a plural,and if one thinks human refers to it alone,then we have a problem of unequality in the world.

What makes a woman?

A woman becomes a woman when she realises that she has a duty to nature! if she doesn't then both i and nature will be left scratching our heads.


Now,
wondering why the above statement is stated so?

well,it is because you see at the height of feminist idiocacy is the feminist stating i'll not be a mother. so what is she proving by doin so? is that how she asks for equal rights,by forgetting her right to motherhood? well apparently some feminists think so!

or is it because that is the way you prove you are better than a man? hell,the west was won because the pioneers were lookin for better land to till!

See,that is not feminism.

SO,what is?

Now,i need not state,the usual stuff of women being trampled upon etc etc.. we all agree on that except that group of people with tilak on their foreheads and ram in their mouths!
oops in the frenzy i forgot our other funda'mental'ist brothers yup the cover all in black look down at your feet Taliban kind. well in a way the black is good cos if you go against their weird rules for woman,ladies the rest of your family will be wearing black as you give 'tears in heaven' for your first and last act of feminism!

again got carried away,i'll tell you what feminism is in my book!

It is plain ol'EQUALITY !
Something the woman didn't have or knew they had till the Industrial Revolution,and don't question me on this,the woman didn't plain know till then,period!

And a woman who fights for equal rights for woman to that of man is a feminist!
i repeat 'equal' rights not "more" rights!

And Equality is very important,and it is the very essence of human rights,so if a man votes so should the woman,if a man can sit in parliament so should the woman,if a man can work night shifts so should the woman,if a man can drink at a pub so should a woman!

NOW let me stop!
and ask you ladies this, Do you or do you not have the rights to do all of the above?
YES,you do...legally or otherwise.

So,how did you get it,well because of sheer effort put in by true feminists long before your time. They got you the rights which honestly didn't exist even a wee bit.

SO,if feminism is a fight for Equal rights and women have Equal rights now,then logically Feminism is dead!


THEN,stop calling yourself FEMINISTS...you are fightin for a cause already won for you!


So,cut the crap about equal rights etc etc and start thinking of educating about the rights achieved for which you nor anybody needs to cling on to feminism,what you need is social-activism!

THERE are woman going through hell in this world and have no idea what to do,and even when they know they have no means to do anything about it. So,can you provide the means?

Wait,providing the means might put you in some deep shit,can't dirty your hands but still want to do a good cause for feminism and not your sisters,huh?

SO,can i suggest a less harmful alternative,educate the woman of the possibilities or things they can achieve.To be honest i think Doordarshan has done a better job in uplifting the woman of our country than our Feminists. Ever enquired of the state of woman under the NREGP? Ever wondered the state of woman in our prisons today?
Even wondered what happened to the poor woman raped by police men in our own Trivandrum court premises? Do you know what happened to the woman during the Mutthanga incident? Do you remember the protest by nude woman against the Armed forces act?

CAN your feminism put an end to all this?

YOUR'S CAN'T BUT SOMEBODY ELSE'S CAN ?

you will just light a match stick here now cos someone lit a fire a long time ago.well the fire did it's trick some time back so no need to light anything now!


SO what do we do?

Say,we kiss feminism good bye and start social activism,cos these days you have all the weapons in your hand..weapons for which feminists fought for. Now when you are given all the weapons you asked for,you are doin nothing with it but asking for more!

more and more...is the cry of a mistaken soul !

YOU've to not educate the woman alone you see,you have to educate the men too.Make feminists out of men and not women!

Some traditions must be done away with,some beliefs killed and a lot of teaching is left to be done.You see for a woman to walk naked across my street and hope for no man to go berserk is too much to ask today,but asking for it tommorow is not a crime. So how will we go about doing it? Calm his carnal instincts and how is that? Make him less of a beast,make him educated right!

why did i say educated right? because even good education doesn't stop it,but the right kinda education will. Social education,i.e change the mindset of society as a whole,i'm saying this in 09 and expectin results in '29. Now this is a doubly difficult job because there are other elements at work who aim at exactly the opposite direction.

So,the least i.e the bare minimal we can do is make sure our kids turn out right and that much we owe to a better world!

eco

why' s the sun not shining tonight?

it's sad of all he didn't put up a fight.

The stars must've given him a fright!

And now the moon has lost his light,

along the coast sea's showin her might.

In hours,will be the second great deluge,

leaving no more land in our sight!

crap!

i'v got a mile to run,
and it should be fun.

that's my last mile,
and i'll do it in style.

i'll pour into self SOCO,
n babe you say ready,steady GO!

i think i'll snort too,
and in the end i'l be blue!

this is my last mile so sue,
i'll do all and i'll do it true!

.

sk y & 1

part I

Remember a child by the sea shore asking the sea blue,
will there be a day when the sky will no more be true !

Happenings in eternity are there for you to behold,
n if you live the time there will be a day when it folds!

Where were you when it was ice and of white splendour,
And then we melted,for the whales n renewed vigour!

And my sky left his darkened moods and came blue,
Those days young and love knew nothing but true!


.

?

.
letters from near,place close enough to hear.

yet had to write,as her eyes turn mine white.

some sort of fear,aaargh! when'll it all be clear?

when'll it be right?why still my nails i bite?

it's still return to sender,it's been the same since summer.
.

fever...

seems a long time since i had fever,
maybe i'm gettin a little too clever.
varied degrees of assumption leading,
in all methods to reduce me wheezing!

maybe cos sweet little gal, sally berry,
prevented me from taking her in a hurry.
treated me as a little experiment,bitch!
glad she did so anyway,saved me the itch!

seems a long time since i had fever,
ah!maybe i lost the urge to ride her.
every excuse was tried to evade beddin,
and in the end i had to do with leavin!

sure as it might be,it left me teary,
yet i carried on like a mustang weary!
there's a twinkle in my eye,i'm rich..
few men,left half alive..after havin a witch!

residue..

every year is getting shorter,and i'm going nowhere. the sense of direction i was bestowed as a kid seems to have wandered away on turnin 18. i run around in circles never knowin what to do,and where to go.

but,there is no sense of bein lost,there is no urgency to find the road,my feet are happy bein led by an aimless mind.this forest seems like a desert at times,and the animals no longer respond to human sightins,and the silence is killing me.

i'm hurt,hurt there's no one who went out in search of me,no one who tried to find me!
i do not exist or i'v been given up for dead,an easy option i know,but what good was i anyway to be searched for,what of my worth have i proven?

did i leave love behind? or is she dancin good riddance.i remember a gal not long ago who remembers me not,though we had a good thing goin,and then i found her leavin, caught a plane to some foreign land,and not before she crashed my little plane.

i still,walked on and that should be about when i lost myself,but there was a mirage and i believed it,beleived to see a maiden dancin,dancin like no tommorow,guess she lost love nd is in all sorrow,so i sit down.

i pick my guitar,hum a tune...and join her in her sorrow,as she danced and i played,till the night took us down,and i slept with the strenght of her magnolia perfume.As i wake the mornin after..all that is left is residue